Me Time for Self Care

This episode delves into the importance of having time for self-care and why self care is important. In a world that often expects moms to be endlessly giving, Amanda challenges the notion that self-care is selfish, highlighting its significance in maintaining physical, emotional, and mental well-being.

Discover the top five reasons why self-care is crucial for moms. From recharging ourselves to reducing stress levels, finding our own identity, modeling healthy behaviors for our children, and fostering self-renewal and joy in our lives. Through relatable anecdotes and insightful tips, Amanda reminds us that we deserve to prioritize ourselves and lead fulfilling lives while raising happy and healthy children.

In this episode, Amanda encourages listeners to explore new hobbies and interests, offering simple ways to integrate self-care into busy mom lives. She emphasizes the power of affirmations and mantras in promoting positive self-talk and self-compassion. By modeling healthy behaviors and showing our children that it's okay to ask for help, we pave the way for them to embrace self-care and self-identity in their own lives.

Here are the highlights:

(2:01) Role models
(6:34) The power of journaling
(10:17) The star of your own life
(13:31) Healthy behaviours
(18:19) Recharge your batteries

Transcript

Welcome to the being mum Podcast, the podcast for being a mum your way. I am your host, Amanda Forsey. Thank you so much for joining me. It is so important as mums to find a balance between giving to our families and giving to ourselves. And it's only by finding out what we truly value and care about, that we can live our lives in line with who we are and what we really want. Let's put the U and the Y back into mummy.

Hello, welcome to this week's episode me time for self care why it isn't selfish, and why we need it. This week's episode is going to discuss how important it is to carve out time for ourselves to meet our own needs. I really want to change the narrative that mums have to be all giving if we are to be good mums. This is simply social conditioning. And it's completely wrong. self care is not selfish. It's actually essential if we want to be the best versions of ourselves as women and as mothers. All right, so let's get into it. Why is it important? What are the benefits to us for making me time a priority. Here are my list of top reasons my top five as to why it's important. Firstly, we're going to have to recharge ourselves, no one is able to be permanently switched on and not reach burnout. We cannot keep giving from an empty cup, it's just not possible. There's a reason why they tell us to put our own oxygen mask on first. Second, it is absolutely huge for lowering our stress levels, being able to step away and have a break. It allows us to relax and just be it's super important for us mums. Third, it allows us to have our own identity that isn't defined by what we're doing. For everybody else around us. This is super important. I cannot stress this enough for our identity. Fourth, it models the right way to live for our children, you know they're watching us right, and they are going to copy us doesn't matter what we say they're going to copy us. So if we're showing them that we make time for ourselves, and we're taking care of our own needs. This is an invaluable life lesson for them. It sets them up for life where their future self is going to be taken care and valuing their self care for themselves. Five, it allows us to recharge and renew and reconnect with ourself. By doing the things that we love, and that bring us joy, we're able to be more present and better able to cope with the challenges of daily mom life. This is so important. So these are my top reasons.

And these are what we're going to discuss today. Right? So we need to recharge ourselves physically, emotionally, mentally on a regular basis, or we're going to get overwhelmed, and we're going to get burnt out. That's just the way it is. We've all been there. And we know how it feels our patience runs out, we feel exhausted, and we just don't feel motivated. We're not enjoying ourselves, we're not enjoying motherhood, we're not enjoying our life. So self care and making time for ourselves is going to help us recharge those batteries before they run out and prevent us reaching a level of overwhelm and burnout that is too much for us to bear. We don't want to get to that stage. We want to be able to cope and feel more capable in our daily lives. So the more you give to your kids, your family, your partner, your friends, the community around you, you are depleting your energy reserves, they're going down, every time you give it goes down a little bit. If you don't make time for your self care to top them back up again, you end up going to empty, and that's not gonna be good for anyone. It's not good for your children, it's not good for yourself, and it doesn't serve your life in a positive way. Okay, you want to be living a life that is fulfilling and brings you joy and happiness that you're contented in, and one that you're living, not existing. One of the things that we can do to help us with this is daily affirmations or mantras, just something that we can say to ourselves, when we are feeling overwhelmed, or we're feeling a little bit as if things are too much. And it can also help us when we're putting in those healthy boundaries of saying no to people. I want you to remember that when you're saying no, you're actually saying yes to yourself. And it's really important. So there's a little mantra I'm going to give you please write it down, stick it in a post it note on the mirror in the morning for when you're cleaning your teeth, put it on your phone or put it somewhere that you're gonna see it basically say to yourself, I am doing the best I can with what I've got. I am an amazing mum, and I'm proud of myself for everything I do.

Okay, I'm gonna say it again. You ready? I am doing the best I can with what I've got. I am an amazing mum. And I am proud of myself for everything I do.

This is really, really simple. And it's just something that if you keep repeating it to yourself, your subconscious is going to start believing it. And it's going to take away this feeling that if you're not giving to everybody, that you're a bad mum, because you're not, you're an amazing mum. And you need to tell yourself this, okay? And that by saying yes to yourself, means that you're gonna have to say no to some things, because you only have a limited capacity, okay, you can't do everything, you just can't. You have to put in boundaries. And you have to say no to things, and say yes to yourself. And this little mantra is something that's very simple. But when you repeat it and repeat it, it's going to sink into your subconscious. And it's just going to make it easier for you to naturally choose yourself. For me, the reason that I do this is because it allows me to cope with the demands of my life, okay, I've got four kids, four young kids, two of them autistic, my day to day is very challenging. And for me to be able to cope with everything that life throws at me in the day, I need to be full of myself and feel happy, feel contented feel strong. It is an ongoing process, not going to lie. Some days, I feel more capable than others. That's how it works. But I tried to fit in a time for myself, I try to fit in self care. And that way, I don't reach that level of burnout that I would have done previously. Because I know I need to go and top myself back up again. And I make that time for myself. And I'm able to be more present, to cope better to have more patience with my kids. And my stress levels are lower. And that's why self care is so important. And one of the things that you can do, if you're having thoughts in the day, you're feeling overwhelmed, you're feeling stressed, is to think okay, I'm going to hold that for later. And the reason that you're going to hold it for later is because when you go to bed, or when you have the kids in bed, and you sit down with a cup of tea, or a glass of wine, you can get a journal out, and it's just a notebook. People think oh journaling, this is big, scary thing, I don't want you to feel scared by it. It's just a notebook, get yourself a pretty one that always motivates me a pretty notebook, pretty pen, before you keep all these thoughts in your head, I want you to go, I'm gonna get that out later. Just jot down, whatever is worrying you, whatever you're feeling guilty about whatever the thoughts are, that are negative in your day, just put a pin in them. And think I've got to put that in my notebook later. Okay, and it doesn't just have to be for the negative things. At the end of the day, especially, it's really, really good. If you can think of some things that were positive about the day, just some good points from your day, some things that weren't, well, some things that the kids did, maybe that made you laugh, or may just smile, the journals for you notebooks for you, it's yours, it's just really a lovely thing that you can do to connect with yourself, it's an easy way to get any of those thoughts that are swimming around in your head out down on paper. And it helps you understand your feelings and it helps you understand where you're at, and what's going on. Okay. And if you do it regularly, then this becomes a little habit and it becomes something that you look forward to and it becomes part of your self care. And it's a wonderful thing to do. How do we hold on to our identity and not get lost as in being just a mum. Okay?

Taking time for self care making time for ourselves. It lets us explore interests or passions or goals by giving ourselves that time to do other activities that bring us joy, fulfilment, it creates our sense of self. Okay, that feeling of us as a whole being, we're not taking away from it, we're not making ourselves small, and just fitting into this one little box of I'm a mum, and forgetting everything else about who we are, nothing's being taken away. We're not feeling resentful that we're defined only as a mother by what we do. It's about that bigger picture of who we are the whole package everything about us. It's not just that label of mum, we are our likes, our interests, or hobbies, or passions, the things that we like, and the things that we enjoy doing. Give us our sense of self. And it's so important to keep that sense of self. And that sense of direction of who we are inside of ourselves. So that we know that our motivations and the reasons that we're doing things are in line with who we are at core. Because once we go off course from that, and we start doing things because we feel obliged to because there's someone else's priority there, then we're off. Um, our mental health will suffer. Resentment, bills, frustration, bills, anger bills, something that I've learned in my journey is that anger turned inwards to yourself can lead to feeling depressed, to feeling down. You know, when you're feeling down when you're feeling low, when you're not feeling yourself. When you're feeling upset with the world maybe a little bit sad. It's because we're feeling frustrated.

because we're angry, because no one's putting us first, we're putting everybody else first. But no one is putting us first, okay? And that can be a real hard truth to tell ourselves that actually, we do need to be a bit selfish, that we do need to put ourselves first. Because it's our life. This is our life, you've got to be the star of your own life. Okay? This is your show, nobody else's show. This is your show. It's your one shot. You don't want to be a bit part player, you don't want to be a backup dancer, you're on the stage, go for it. It's your life. Give it everything. The reason me time is so important is because it's your time, this life that you have this time you have today. That's it. That's what you've got. nothing's guaranteed, next week, next year, 10 years from now, nothing is guaranteed. I know that I've lost my own mum, she died young, it was cancer, it came out of nowhere. And it really hit home to me that nothing is promised that we think we have the time to do stuff later. And we put things off. But nothing's guaranteed. We don't know if we have that time. And so we have to make the most of the time we have now. That's the real message that I want to get home. And this is you've got to live right now. This is so important for your children as well. Because time goes so fast with children, it just whizzes by. And if you don't connect with yourself and be present in the moment, then it runs away with you. And we don't want to wish this part of our lives away. Okay, we want to embrace it. There's this saying that the days are long, but the years are short, by being more present in your day, you can actually eek out that time, and you can make the days more enjoyable. And the years not seem so short, because you're more present living in them. And I just want to give you some advice, because sometimes, because we're so overwhelmed and motherhood and it is so busy, we do just naturally let parts of ourselves go because we don't make the time for them. Things that we enjoy, and hobbies and things like that. So some little things that you can do to help spark that movement in your life to spark that way of finding your identity. Again, because we do change as we grow. You know, we're not the same person we were when we were teenagers or children, or in our university years or at school, in our workplace lives as well, we change and we adapt as we go through life, we become different versions of ourself. So one of the things that you can do to figure out who you are now, your identity now is to do new things. You know, be curious, try a new food or a recipe, you can go to a new place, maybe a new park with the kids or go to a new restaurant or a new bar, if you get to go out for a drink, that would be lovely. You could play new game with the children or a new activity, maybe some kind of arts and crafts activity with the kids, you could start a new hobby for yourself, maybe you could read a book that you wouldn't normally go for book clubs are a really good way for doing this. Because you get given a copy, you don't know what you're going to read. So you definitely try new things that you wouldn't maybe pick up yourself, you could listen to a new podcast, something that you haven't listened to before, something a bit out of your comfort zone a bit different. There's lots of new things, the important point is to be curious to try something new. And don't put that pressure on yourself that you have to like it, you don't if you don't like it, it doesn't matter. But maybe you'll find something that you do like, and that will help shape this new identity at this stage of your life. So we want to model healthy behaviours and taking care of ourselves. For our children. This is so important. We want them to take care of themselves, the same way that they observe us doing it. They're watching everything we do. They'll take that example that we're showing them, they'll take it into adulthood with them. Do you want them to work all hours in a job, take no time for themselves? Well, that's what they saw daddy doing. You know, that's what he did. That's what happens. And that's life. And that's the norm. That's what daddies do. We don't want that to be the norm for them. We want them to have a balance in life, we want them to fulfil all their needs. And we want to create that sense of self for them. And the easiest way to do that is to show them that we have a sense of self for ourselves, okay, we model the behaviour, we want them to copy. It's so important that we model that healthy behaviour because they will copy it, they just will. And we can tell them all of these wonderful bits of advice and they're not going to listen to any of it. They're going to do what they see, and they're going to copy you. So if you make time for yourself, and you set those boundaries, this is mummy's time Mummy's going to do this. And we'll get to what you want later or we'll do that tomorrow when it's your time. They're going to learn that that is what's normal and that is what's expected and that is how you behave. They're going to put those boundaries in place for them.

themself with the relationships. So romantic relationships, friendships, working relationships, in their lives going forward, their adulthood is based on who they are as children, we are shaping these little humans, and they are going to copy us. And so it's so so, so important.

And I want to give you a little bit of something that you can do to really help your kids with this, we want to show them that it's okay to ask for help, does not make you a bad mum, we only have so much capacity, we cannot do it all. And by asking for help, we are showing them that it's not a weakness to ask for help. It's actually a strength. It's admitting that you are human, and you're not perfect. And this is such an important lesson for our kids, okay, they need to see this, we can help model the self care for our children. But we can also show them how they get that self care, we can show them that we can ask for help, we can ask people around us to take on things so that we then have time for ourselves. Because if we're taking on everything and trying to do it all and becoming burnt out, they just see mummy as a stressed ball of overwhelm. And they think that that's normal. And they'll go into their adult lives thinking that that's what their wife should do with their girls, I think that's what they should do. And if they're not doing that, they're not good enough. And we don't want them to feel that way. So something you can do is model asking for help. Showing them that they don't have to do it all themselves, they really don't. But by watching you, and learning from you, it's so much easier than telling them, we just become what we see don't we versus who we are. Or why you ask yourself how you feel when you've done something that you enjoy whatever hobby or activity that is if you've gone for a run, if you've done an exercise class, if you've hung out with a friend and had a coffee and a chat, read a book, taking a walk in the woods or by the beach, done some drawing, done some sewing, whatever your interest is, I want you to think about how you feel when you've done that. For me, when I engage in sewing, which is one of my hobbies, I get a lot of joy and a lot of satisfaction out of that, you know, a lot of activities in daily life, the washing up the laundry, cleaning the house, they're very repetitive tasks that just need to be done again, almost as soon as you finish them. It does build frustration, when you've tidied up and the kitchen sitting spotless. And then you think, Oh, I've got to make dinner, I'm gonna just make a mess again, or the kids come in and they've had breakfast, it's just a mess, you've come down, it's lovely, clean, and then life happens. And the house never stays. It's always in constant flux. When I do some sewing, I see my project, go from the start, when I'm selecting my fabrics, and putting the pattern together and cutting things out and putting it together slowly, slowly, the blocks take shape. And I joined the blocks. And before I know it, I've got a quilt top. And then I can work on that. And I just see that process that progress, something that's actually happening, that makes me feel I've accomplished something, that I've got something to show for my efforts, that I've got something to show for my time and my energy and my mental capacity that I put into this. And I've got something to show for it at the end something real something that I could touch. And that gives me a lot of satisfaction and a lot of joy. When you're thinking about your hobbies. What do you do that recharges you. And I want you to think about how you feel when you are energised. And when you are renewed and you've had a break because it doesn't mean that you have had a sleep. I know we're all parents, we're a whole lacking sleep. That is the big one oh how I would love more sleep. But sometimes engaging in an activity can recharge us like nicely would almost because you feel so energised, when you had an interaction with somebody, a friend, you've caught up with them and you're having a laugh. You feel so energised from that it's almost as good as like picking yourself up with a cup of coffee, when you have that. And then you return to your parenting duties. You've got more patience, and you've got more focus, you're more present, you're more engaged with life. And hopefully what I'm going to show you and talk to you about is some ways that you can find me time. That means that you can get those little boosts throughout the day that will help you recharge your batteries so that by the end of the day, I know how it has you get tea time and you fed them dinner and then you think Oh god, it's bedtime. Now, I don't know if I've got it in me to deal with this. I just don't know if I've got it in me to cope with his bedtime routine. I don't want you to get to that point. I want you to get to the thinking right? It's bedtime. Now. Let's get our pyjamas on. I'm gonna do a story or Let's watch some TV together. Whatever it is, it's part of your bedtime routine where you connect with the children. I want you to actually feel excited about it and look forward to it and be present in it and engaged with his kids and your children because that is the end of their day. That is how they're then going to go to sleep. So you want that to be a positive experience. And I know this drama is a bedtime we've all had dramas at Bed

is never always going to work. But by being present and we're engaged in the moment and not by riling up so easily, then hopefully you build that better connection with your children. And it won't feel like you're completely broken by the end of the day, because that's not what I want for you. I want you to feel like, got them to bed. Great. Now it's time for me, I can have some time to myself, I can go have that bath, I can catch up on that TV show, I can read a bit of that book that I wanted to do or if like me sometimes just go and get into bed myself because I need to catch up. You know, young babies don't let you sleep at night. So I know if I go to bed early, I'll get a few hours in before he then starts to wake up. So whatever it is you want to do, it will be easier for you. Okay. So finding time for ourselves is not a luxury. It's an essential by prioritising ourselves and taking care of ourselves, we strengthen our overall wellbeing, okay? We reduce stress, we maintain our sense of self and our identity, and we are better role models for our children. self care is not selfish. It is absolutely vital for our own happiness and our fulfilment. So please, please, please make a promise to yourself today that you will carve out moments for yourself, make self care a part of your daily life. You deserve it. You really do. It is so important. And I want you to have it for yourself. Join me in the next episode, where I will be going into the ways that you can find this lovely me time for yourself. There's lots of ways you can do it. And I'm going to tell you how. So join me in the next episode.

Thank you for joining me for this episode of The being mum podcast. Please stay tuned and subscribe for future episodes. You can also follow me on Instagram at being mum your way or join my Facebook group the being mum tribe. I'd love to hear from you. And if you have questions or want advice, please do get in touch and join the online Facebook community