New Year Bonus Episode: 3 Things to Pay Attention to that will change your motherhood in 2024

In this special New Year bonus episode I cut through the noise of traditional resolutions and ask a profound question: "Who do you want to become this year?" 

The episode delves into the struggles of motherhood, exploring the often-overlooked aspects that lead to frustration and overwhelm. I share insights on navigating the challenges of balancing work, relationships, postpartum changes, and the emotional rollercoaster of mum guilt. 

I also touch on some practical tips on recognising and managing emotions, evaluating relationships, and rediscovering personal joys amid the demands of motherhood.

Transcript

Welcome to this bonus new year episode of the Being Mum Podcast. I am not going to get caught up in all of the new year goals, new year's resolutions, all of the things that we want to change about ourselves. The rest of the world is probably bombarding you with that. I want to get straight to the point. And I want to ask you to ask yourself one very important question. 

Who do I want to become this year? 

So who do you want to be this year? 

The world is going to reflect back to you who you are actually being. Not who you wish to be, not who your ideal person you think you should be, but who you're actually being.

So I want you to stop trying to fix yourself, and instead try to become the you that you already are, the one who is aware of herself, who she is, and and more importantly, who she's not. By being honest with yourself about what you really want and need, and then no longer playing small and being afraid, but asking for those needs to be met. In fact, demanding that they're met because they should be met. If you are not aligned with who you want to be, then you're living to meet and fulfill somebody else's needs. Okay? It's somebody else's life you're living. It's on their goals and their terms, And you're just a part player in their life, not your own. As women, we are taught from a really young age to be all giving and caring and selfless, to be a good girl, you know. This doesn't serve us.

Okay? It doesn't Serve Us, and it doesn't serve our families either. What it does is it leads to frustration, overwhelm, Resentment and unhappiness. So often as moms, we are told to practice self care, or go meditate, do some yoga. I mean, there's an endless list of things we're told to do, isn't there? But firstly, we don't make time for ourselves to do those things, even if they would help us if we tried them. And secondly, the reason that we need those tools is because we're trying to do it all, and it's just not possible. This is the dirty secret of motherhood. It is the norm for mothers to be living in a state of overwhelm and stress. And as humans, we're not meant to be living in this heightened state all the time.

Being a mum is hard. Yes. Of course, it's hard. But the hard part isn't our children. It's all the other parts of being a mum. The motherhood job, if you like. It's balancing work and home, Maintaining relationships with family and friends, dealing with the roller coaster of hormones from pregnancy through to postpartum, all of it. Learning to live with our new postpartum bodies.

That's all new. Battling with mum guilt, second guessing all of our decisions and our parenting choices, comparison, perfectionism, surviving on little to no sleep, and the isolation and loneliness, While we're never actually alone, having to figure out who this new version of you is now, that's the toughest part. Pregnancy and postpartum and motherhood are a dramatic shift to your identity. And managing and figuring out all of this  It's the hard part that takes so much work, and the reality of what is happening day to day is constantly changing. So sometimes, We can feel we have it figured out. And other days, we are right in the struggle. Knowing that that is okay and everyone else is Experiencing that too isn't always known to us, and that can make the isolation and the feelings of loneliness even worse.

So what can we do? Well, we can start to pay attention to how we're feeling, not just what we're thinking. We place so much importance on our thoughts and what we think, but we're so much more than them. And they can be the cause of stress, worry, anxiety, and feeling low self worth. If we can start to pay attention to how we feel and get curious about that, what's behind it, Then it can really help us to connect with our true selves. There are 3 main areas that you can start to pay attention to that I believe will give you the most insights straight away. 

Number 1. The things that make you frustrated or angry. Now I know as mums, we aren't supposed to get angry, but I think that's another dirty little secret of motherhood.

I think we can be carrying around a lot of pent up frustration and anger inside. And sometimes we can be seething under the surface about little things because we just build it up, don't we? We just bite our tongue so often. And then when we do snap and we shout at the kids, It's usually not about the situation, but it's that we were already at our limit. And that one thing just pushed us over, and then we snap. I was once told that anger is depression turned inwards. Sometimes, being a mom isn't what we expected it to be, and that can leave us feeling angry and frustrated and unhappy. It's not about our children. Loving them is the easy part. But the rest of the mum job that we didn't sign up for well, that we didn't realize we were signing up for. 

And number 2, the people around you. This is a hard one as a lot of the time, we can't always control who we have to deal with. So friends, work colleagues, family members, school, the staff, and other parents, health care professionals that we might have to deal with. Our lives are all very different, And we have to deal with lots of different people and different things depending on our own situation. But as moms, we are rarely alone, and there's lots of noise going on around us, which we can absorb and take on. As soon as you become pregnant, it's like everyone has an opinion, and they have to say it to you, don't they? Everyone from close family to complete strangers in the supermarket is all shoving their opinion down your throat on the best way to do everything.

And it all contradicts each other as well. It's important to protect yourself and your energy from this. So by paying attention to how you feel around people, do they drain you? Do you dread seeing them? Or do you enjoy spending time with them? Do you feel good around them? You know, you're you're always gonna have a mixture. And sometimes, as we change when we become mothers, the people who we knew before don't always bring out the same feelings as they did before we became mothers. Paying attention to how you're feeling is gonna give you insights into how you are spending your time, and if it's filling up your cup, or if it's draining it and emptied it. 

Now number 3, what you enjoy doing and what lights you up. When we become mums, there is so much happening. It's natural to put ourselves on hold. It just happens. And we're excited to step into this new world. But once we're in it and the dust settles, it's important to make time for things you enjoy. And it's okay if you've forgotten what those are. Notice how you feel when someone else is mentioning a TV show or a book or a hobby. Does it spark your interest? And this can be really hard if you're in the midst of a struggle period, and lack of sleep kills off all enjoyment and pleasure. 

But ultimately, life is for living, and the living happens in the day to day. It's really important that you remember you are only human, and that as a human being, Being a mum is more than enough, and you don't have to be doing all of it, or all of the things all of the time.

For me, this year, I will be starting off by doing less, by making space, and simplifying my life down so that I can create space for more of the things that I want to be doing rather than what I have to be doing. It's okay to just be. I said this at the start of the podcast. The world will always reflect back to you who you are being. So Are you being the mum you want to be? Are you ready to create a life that you love living? To stop trying to live up to the unrealistic expectations of modern day motherhood, and instead create a life that works for you and is in line with what you truly value and believe. To let go of all the shoulds. To stop shoulding all over yourself. The mum guilt and and the trying to do it all.

If you are, come join me in the being mum tribe, and I can help support you to do just that. This is your mum journey and your motherhood. Only you get to decide how you want to create and live it. Don't waste another year putting yourself on hold. Make 2024 the year you put the you into mum.